Posts Tagged “grief”
It’s almost 12 weeks since my Spider died (on 2nd September), and I’m only just coming to terms properly with him not being around anymore. I still cry every other day, missing him like crazy, and having moments of disbelief that he’s really gone. But the good thing is that his twin bro Lugosi has recovered ok from his own grief – he was so depressed and totally unresponsive for about 2 weeks, and he also had a nasty urinary tract infection that took two long courses of antibiotics to cure. But now he is back to his normal self, if not more cuddly and clingy than before (which is understandable).
I am concentrating on him and my girl Ruby now, and on keeping only the good and wonderful memories of Spider alive, even though the whole process of putting him to sleep and him dying in my arms will forever haunt me. Here I am in tears again, just thinking about that! 🙁
Anyway…. here is a video of the little “Spidertree” that I dedicated to him, and some piccies of him with me and his siblings. Rest in peace, my beautiful boy. I miss you and love you, always.
I decided to dedicate the mini pine tree I got today to my boy Spider, who was sent to the Rainbow Bridge on 2nd September. Missing you so so much, my sweetie, LOVE YOU, ALWAYS. 🎄🐾💔😢🌈🌈🌈😢💔🐾🎄 #cats #rainbowbridge🌈 #tabbies #tabbycats #gatos #katzen #ilovecats #kitties #pets #animals #grief #grieving #bereavement #catstagram #catsofinstagram #catlover #catlady #madcatlady #forever #crazycatlady #catsoflanzarote #seniorcat #oldcat #mycats #catlife #meow #lettinggo #curepetcancer2017 #pinetree #inmemory
Spider with his bro Lugosi back in London, when they were about 2 years old.
Spider in March 2017 – he was still so active and playful for an almost 18 year old cat!
Ruby, Lugosi & Spider – I miss seeing this cute threesome together!
Spider walking home with me after the vets on his harness and leash.
Sadly, this is the first Halloween without Spider, but we would like to think that he is haunting us as a ghostly spirity cat this year, bless him…. Missing you so very much, my sweet boy, and LOVE YOU, ALWAYS!
I hope that this is what Spider would think…. Rest in peace, my sweet little boy.
Missing you and loving you forever.
Since Spider’s death 10 days ago, things have not been the same around here. I know that animals grieve the loss of a family member or close friend as much as us humans do, but obviously, their grief manifests in slightly different ways from ours. We can see the obvious signs of apathy, searching behaviour, clinginess or loss/increase of appetite, but what really goes through their little heads is something we cannot possibly understand.
Ruby absolutely adores Lugosi, but has never been very close to Spider. Nevertheless, the first few days after Spider’s passing she was very clingy and vocal, followed by now being rather withdrawn. The whole dynamics in our household are wrong now, and everybody knows how cats hate change!
Getting back to understanding Lugosi’s grief… I’m trying. And whenever I am close to Lugosi I do actually *feel* his pain, and it hurts me more than my own grief over Spider to see him suffer.
Lugosi and Spider have been together since birth and have never been apart (except for vet visits). Whereas I can talk to friends and family and creatively work through my grief, Lugosi has no little feline buddies he can “talk” to and grieve and share his pain with, so losing the “yin” to his “yang” must be a terrible blow to him and something he cannot understand or make sense of.
“He still isn’t back. It’s been such a long time and he’s not back. Even his smell is fading everywhere – let me stick my nose in the air and see if I can find some more scent of him…. [walks around the room] ah, there’s a little bit of him there, but it’s faint. And there too, but yesterday the same spot smelled more of him. There has also been nothing new deposited by him in our communal toilets for ages, and I have not seen my brother for the longest time now.
Is he going to come back? I don’t know. I am confused. I have never been separated from my twin and I don’t understand what has happened with him and where he went.
From the way the human acts, all confused and crying and acting very different from her usual self, there is something definitely not right. His smell is also no longer on her.
The girl [Ruby] has not been very helpful. She is suddenly more clingy than usual and I’m not in the mood for her. She has been acting strange and erratic too recently. My stomach has been sick and pooping has been painful for a few days. I really miss my brother, I don’t know if he will ever come back…”
I don’t know whether this is what he is thinking, because cognitive and sentient thoughts are really just how us humans think and relate, but no matter what, I am there for him if and when he needs me, and I tell him this, along with other reassuring words, various times a day. And that I LOVE HIM.
As you can imagine, the last few days have been hell for me, after losing my beautiful furbaby Spider to cancer last Saturday.
The kind support from so many people on Instagram has been overwhelming and amazing, and Doug who runs his Weggieboy Blog also made a big difference by publishing this post honouring Spider, plus the comments from people on that post have really helped me. I still feel very much alone with my grief, because let’s face it, grief is very personal and nothing anybody says will make things better or bring my Spider back to me. But knowing that people understand is a great big help. Most “normal” people will think or say “oh, it’s just a cat” or “well, why don’t you get a new one now”, and I will just have to ignore these people without getting angry with them, because that is simply what they are like and I can’t change that.
The nicest thing a person, who appreciates animals but is nothing like us hardened animal lovers and animal rights activists, actually said to me was “I am very sorry to hear that B. It makes no difference who does or doesn’t understand, and the only thing I understand is that you are very upset, which is the only thing I see in your message, regardless of what the reason.” I have always thought in a similar way – it does not matter the reason why someone is grieving, or whether it’s a frog or an elephant they are grieving over, the fact that the person is devastated is the only important thing, and to give comfort to anyone in that situation is the only important thing!
So now I am slowly working through my grief, trying to put things in a positive way. Joy Marok (Queensugarbunny on Instagram) sent me a private message suggesting a book called “Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers” which is specifically for cat people, and not just a general publication about pet loss. I have not finished reading it yet, but so far some of the tips in this book have really helped me, creating something positive out of my grief over Spider.
I started with making up an altar for him in my bedroom, where I put all his favourite toys and other stuff – and I added the toy tarantula yesterday, which he loved playing with when he was younger. I talk to him there often, telling him what me and his bro and Ruby are up to each day. In a way, it feels like he is still there when I talk to his beautiful face in the photo.
The second thing, turning something so sad into something positive and creative, was to start writing a “Book of Memories” (pages of which I have now published >> HERE <<). Because all memories fade in time, I thought I should start with this immediately, also adding some photos to each entry. I find it hard writing by hand, and after half an hour my fibromyalgia pain started shooting down my whole right arm, but I am going to continue writing bit by bit over the next few days or weeks.
Rest in peace, my boy. I will never ever forget you or stop loving you, my sweet, gentle Spider.