Posts Tagged “death”
It’s almost 12 weeks since my Spider died (on 2nd September), and I’m only just coming to terms properly with him not being around anymore. I still cry every other day, missing him like crazy, and having moments of disbelief that he’s really gone. But the good thing is that his twin bro Lugosi has recovered ok from his own grief – he was so depressed and totally unresponsive for about 2 weeks, and he also had a nasty urinary tract infection that took two long courses of antibiotics to cure. But now he is back to his normal self, if not more cuddly and clingy than before (which is understandable).
I am concentrating on him and my girl Ruby now, and on keeping only the good and wonderful memories of Spider alive, even though the whole process of putting him to sleep and him dying in my arms will forever haunt me. Here I am in tears again, just thinking about that! 🙁
Anyway…. here is a video of the little “Spidertree” that I dedicated to him, and some piccies of him with me and his siblings. Rest in peace, my beautiful boy. I miss you and love you, always.
I decided to dedicate the mini pine tree I got today to my boy Spider, who was sent to the Rainbow Bridge on 2nd September. Missing you so so much, my sweetie, LOVE YOU, ALWAYS. 🎄🐾💔😢🌈🌈🌈😢💔🐾🎄 #cats #rainbowbridge🌈 #tabbies #tabbycats #gatos #katzen #ilovecats #kitties #pets #animals #grief #grieving #bereavement #catstagram #catsofinstagram #catlover #catlady #madcatlady #forever #crazycatlady #catsoflanzarote #seniorcat #oldcat #mycats #catlife #meow #lettinggo #curepetcancer2017 #pinetree #inmemory
Spider with his bro Lugosi back in London, when they were about 2 years old.
Spider in March 2017 – he was still so active and playful for an almost 18 year old cat!
Ruby, Lugosi & Spider – I miss seeing this cute threesome together!
Spider walking home with me after the vets on his harness and leash.
Since Spider’s death 10 days ago, things have not been the same around here. I know that animals grieve the loss of a family member or close friend as much as us humans do, but obviously, their grief manifests in slightly different ways from ours. We can see the obvious signs of apathy, searching behaviour, clinginess or loss/increase of appetite, but what really goes through their little heads is something we cannot possibly understand.
Ruby absolutely adores Lugosi, but has never been very close to Spider. Nevertheless, the first few days after Spider’s passing she was very clingy and vocal, followed by now being rather withdrawn. The whole dynamics in our household are wrong now, and everybody knows how cats hate change!
Getting back to understanding Lugosi’s grief… I’m trying. And whenever I am close to Lugosi I do actually *feel* his pain, and it hurts me more than my own grief over Spider to see him suffer.
Lugosi and Spider have been together since birth and have never been apart (except for vet visits). Whereas I can talk to friends and family and creatively work through my grief, Lugosi has no little feline buddies he can “talk” to and grieve and share his pain with, so losing the “yin” to his “yang” must be a terrible blow to him and something he cannot understand or make sense of.
“He still isn’t back. It’s been such a long time and he’s not back. Even his smell is fading everywhere – let me stick my nose in the air and see if I can find some more scent of him…. [walks around the room] ah, there’s a little bit of him there, but it’s faint. And there too, but yesterday the same spot smelled more of him. There has also been nothing new deposited by him in our communal toilets for ages, and I have not seen my brother for the longest time now.
Is he going to come back? I don’t know. I am confused. I have never been separated from my twin and I don’t understand what has happened with him and where he went.
From the way the human acts, all confused and crying and acting very different from her usual self, there is something definitely not right. His smell is also no longer on her.
The girl [Ruby] has not been very helpful. She is suddenly more clingy than usual and I’m not in the mood for her. She has been acting strange and erratic too recently. My stomach has been sick and pooping has been painful for a few days. I really miss my brother, I don’t know if he will ever come back…”
I don’t know whether this is what he is thinking, because cognitive and sentient thoughts are really just how us humans think and relate, but no matter what, I am there for him if and when he needs me, and I tell him this, along with other reassuring words, various times a day. And that I LOVE HIM.
These are some photos of the late Spider, who passed away on 2nd September 2017, that I never got the chance to post. I also still have a backlog of videos that I have not yet had time to edit and put on our YouTube channel. I will put these up over the months to come.
I LOVE YOU, my sweet boy, and I MISS YOU SO DARN MUCH! :'( :'( :'(
In memory of my amazing SpiderCat – I miss you so much, my baby. It’s hurts so bloody much to not have you here ever again. 🙁 🙁 🙁
I bought this e-book called “Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers” yesterday, which is a really big help for bereaved cat parents. Amongst a lot of other helpful advice, it suggests to make up an altar or sacred space where you can remember your beloved furbaby and talk to him, if that is what you need to do.
I made this altar for Spider with his favourite toys, the ping pong ball and mylar ball, his favourite chewy stick treats, a candle that I will light every night this coming week, two manekinekos for good luck in the next realm, and an angel hugging a kitty that a friend gave me a few years ago. I would like to think that I myself am that angel holding my sweet, gentle boy Spider tightly in my arms. And never let go. *sob*
I bought some valerian tea and tablets yesterday to calm my nerves, and I think they’re helping a tiny bit, but I still hurt so much, it’s like someone violently ripped out part of my heart and there’s now a gaping wound that will never heal. But it will. Eventually. It will leave a big Spider-shaped scar, but it will heal… Rest in peace, my sweet boy. 🙁
Someone has been listening to the many voices of pet owners here in Lanzarote, and we now finally have a crematorium for our furbabies! I know this is quite a sad subject, but an important one too. I for one, would love to be able to make my kitties’ passing as loving and luxurious as all the things that I have given them in life.
Pet owners in Lanzarote who lost a beloved pet, have had until now no option to give their deceased pet a decent and dignified send-off. If your pet died at the vets or was found dead in the road, it will be sent to the municipal animal crematorium in Arrecife and chucked in with all the other animals, including roadkill and leftover carcasses from slaughter houses. To a loving pet owner, this is very non-personal and quite horrible really. If you have a garden, then sometimes burial is possible, but many of us live in apartments, and some of us go and find a secluded spot in the country to do a discrete burial – both options are, however, illegal.
Hela Pet Crematorium is in Arrecife, and their cremation service (based on a 5kg animal), including one of their very sweet basic urns, costs around €75, so is very affordable to most people.
Having two 18 year old tabby boys makes me aware every day that their clocks are ticking and we don’t have that much time left together, and I am glad that when the time comes, I now have the option to see them off to the Rainbow Bridge with the dignity the deserve…
My best friend Anneke had to face the hardest task any animal lover can ever think of – she had to have Luca, one of her friendly ferals that she had looked after on her patio for about 4 years, put to sleep yesterday.
He had a malignant, progressive and incurable cancer of the nose and the tissue was already half eaten away, and there was nothing more our vets could do, and it was the kindest thing to let him go. He held on though, his little heart wouldn´t stop beating, and our vet Vanessa had to inject him into the heart in the end. It´s just so unbelievably sad, and I´m sending my most heartfelt hugs again to Anneke as I write this, once again in tears.
Luca was a very gentle soul, never demanding, always shy and sweet, and over the years, Anneke´s TLC turned him from being totally feral into a mellow kitty that we could even pet a little, and he returned this affection with a little head bump each time. As sad as his death may be, we like to think that for a feral he had a good life, his own bed and shelter, food every day and lots of TLC, whether he wanted the latter or not, plus in the later stages of his cancer, Anneke also got him the veterinary care that he needed, even though we knew that this kind of cancer was eventually going to end up “worst case scenario”.
Rest in peace, little guy. You´ll be always in our hearts.
Pic of Luca chilling on the roof, before the cancer ate away his nose.