Nelly and I (when I still had pinky purple hair)…
Nelly and I (when I still had pinky purple hair)…
One of the last photos of my 3 kattens together, Spider at the back… R.I.P. my gentle boy. 🙁
I hope that this is what Spider would think…. Rest in peace, my sweet little boy.
Missing you and loving you forever.
We had the first bit of proper rain (well, one short heavy downpour at least) in Puerto del Carmen yesterday, and check out Ruby looking on in amazement. 🙂
Ruby doesn’t see rain here very often. Look at her expression of amazement, so adorable. ☔💧😻💧☔ #cats #rain #lanzarote #amazing #amazement #tabbies #tabbycats #gatos #katzen #katt #neko #ilovecats #kitties #cute #pets #animals #catstagram #catsofinstagram #catpeople #catlover #catlady #madcatlady #crazycatlady #catsoflanzarote #gingercat #mycats #catlife #meow #catphotos
Since Spider’s death 10 days ago, things have not been the same around here. I know that animals grieve the loss of a family member or close friend as much as us humans do, but obviously, their grief manifests in slightly different ways from ours. We can see the obvious signs of apathy, searching behaviour, clinginess or loss/increase of appetite, but what really goes through their little heads is something we cannot possibly understand.
Ruby absolutely adores Lugosi, but has never been very close to Spider. Nevertheless, the first few days after Spider’s passing she was very clingy and vocal, followed by now being rather withdrawn. The whole dynamics in our household are wrong now, and everybody knows how cats hate change!
Getting back to understanding Lugosi’s grief… I’m trying. And whenever I am close to Lugosi I do actually *feel* his pain, and it hurts me more than my own grief over Spider to see him suffer.
Lugosi and Spider have been together since birth and have never been apart (except for vet visits). Whereas I can talk to friends and family and creatively work through my grief, Lugosi has no little feline buddies he can “talk” to and grieve and share his pain with, so losing the “yin” to his “yang” must be a terrible blow to him and something he cannot understand or make sense of.
“He still isn’t back. It’s been such a long time and he’s not back. Even his smell is fading everywhere – let me stick my nose in the air and see if I can find some more scent of him…. [walks around the room] ah, there’s a little bit of him there, but it’s faint. And there too, but yesterday the same spot smelled more of him. There has also been nothing new deposited by him in our communal toilets for ages, and I have not seen my brother for the longest time now.
Is he going to come back? I don’t know. I am confused. I have never been separated from my twin and I don’t understand what has happened with him and where he went.
From the way the human acts, all confused and crying and acting very different from her usual self, there is something definitely not right. His smell is also no longer on her.
The girl [Ruby] has not been very helpful. She is suddenly more clingy than usual and I’m not in the mood for her. She has been acting strange and erratic too recently. My stomach has been sick and pooping has been painful for a few days. I really miss my brother, I don’t know if he will ever come back…”
I don’t know whether this is what he is thinking, because cognitive and sentient thoughts are really just how us humans think and relate, but no matter what, I am there for him if and when he needs me, and I tell him this, along with other reassuring words, various times a day. And that I LOVE HIM.
These are some photos of the late Spider, who passed away on 2nd September 2017, that I never got the chance to post. I also still have a backlog of videos that I have not yet had time to edit and put on our YouTube channel. I will put these up over the months to come.
I LOVE YOU, my sweet boy, and I MISS YOU SO DARN MUCH! :'( :'( :'(
I picked up Spider’s ashes from my vets in Tías yesterday. Driving home, I “talked” to him and cried all the way home, and had to make a stop because I could not see through my tears. But the urn is really lovely and I think it’s such a blessing that we now have the pet crematorium on the island.
Spider has a permanent place, not only in my heart of course, but now also on a beautiful custom made cat shelf (made by local woodworking artist Leo Makepeace) in my bedroom where I have placed his urn, surrounded by cat figurines, the cat angel my friend Felice gave me, and a ball of his fur.
REST IN PEACE my sweet, gentle Spiderboy.
As you can imagine, the last few days have been hell for me, after losing my beautiful furbaby Spider to cancer last Saturday.
The kind support from so many people on Instagram has been overwhelming and amazing, and Doug who runs his Weggieboy Blog also made a big difference by publishing this post honouring Spider, plus the comments from people on that post have really helped me. I still feel very much alone with my grief, because let’s face it, grief is very personal and nothing anybody says will make things better or bring my Spider back to me. But knowing that people understand is a great big help. Most “normal” people will think or say “oh, it’s just a cat” or “well, why don’t you get a new one now”, and I will just have to ignore these people without getting angry with them, because that is simply what they are like and I can’t change that.
The nicest thing a person, who appreciates animals but is nothing like us hardened animal lovers and animal rights activists, actually said to me was “I am very sorry to hear that B. It makes no difference who does or doesn’t understand, and the only thing I understand is that you are very upset, which is the only thing I see in your message, regardless of what the reason.” I have always thought in a similar way – it does not matter the reason why someone is grieving, or whether it’s a frog or an elephant they are grieving over, the fact that the person is devastated is the only important thing, and to give comfort to anyone in that situation is the only important thing!
So now I am slowly working through my grief, trying to put things in a positive way. Joy Marok (Queensugarbunny on Instagram) sent me a private message suggesting a book called “Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers” which is specifically for cat people, and not just a general publication about pet loss. I have not finished reading it yet, but so far some of the tips in this book have really helped me, creating something positive out of my grief over Spider.
I started with making up an altar for him in my bedroom, where I put all his favourite toys and other stuff – and I added the toy tarantula yesterday, which he loved playing with when he was younger. I talk to him there often, telling him what me and his bro and Ruby are up to each day. In a way, it feels like he is still there when I talk to his beautiful face in the photo.
The second thing, turning something so sad into something positive and creative, was to start writing a “Book of Memories” (pages of which I have now published >> HERE <<). Because all memories fade in time, I thought I should start with this immediately, also adding some photos to each entry. I find it hard writing by hand, and after half an hour my fibromyalgia pain started shooting down my whole right arm, but I am going to continue writing bit by bit over the next few days or weeks.
Rest in peace, my boy. I will never ever forget you or stop loving you, my sweet, gentle Spider.
In memory of my amazing SpiderCat – I miss you so much, my baby. It’s hurts so bloody much to not have you here ever again. 🙁 🙁 🙁
I bought this e-book called “Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers” yesterday, which is a really big help for bereaved cat parents. Amongst a lot of other helpful advice, it suggests to make up an altar or sacred space where you can remember your beloved furbaby and talk to him, if that is what you need to do.
I made this altar for Spider with his favourite toys, the ping pong ball and mylar ball, his favourite chewy stick treats, a candle that I will light every night this coming week, two manekinekos for good luck in the next realm, and an angel hugging a kitty that a friend gave me a few years ago. I would like to think that I myself am that angel holding my sweet, gentle boy Spider tightly in my arms. And never let go. *sob*
I bought some valerian tea and tablets yesterday to calm my nerves, and I think they’re helping a tiny bit, but I still hurt so much, it’s like someone violently ripped out part of my heart and there’s now a gaping wound that will never heal. But it will. Eventually. It will leave a big Spider-shaped scar, but it will heal… Rest in peace, my sweet boy. 🙁